There’s only one way to get your run on while in Las Vegas, and that’s before you start drinking.
Our flight hits the ground at 5:30pm and it’s still 108 degrees. We have three hours before we head to EDC dressed in an under the sea theme. Our goal is simple: run from Encore to Mandalay Bay and back (6.2 miles round trip), making 4 stops to slam a glass of cheap champagne. Why champagne? Because we’re classy as fuck. We call this The Vegas Goodr Strip $10K.
Once we step out of the elevators, it’s clear we’re the weird ones, 6pm in Las Vegas is the witching hour…The pool party is ending so all the clowns that drank hard during the day are leaving, barely able to stand…the suit-wearing and scantily clad start appearing ready to go out for the night….When EDC is in town, this means lingerie is the standard outfit for women and party-tanks are the norm for men. Everyone is wearing glitter, body paint, and a smile. (If you’ve been living in a cave somewhere and have never heard of or seen images from EDC, this is no joke, click here to see images from EDC.) Needless to say, we’re the only idiots that are trying to run at this time.
There was one guy so drunk he was passed out, face-down, 10 feet from the Encore exit. The amazing thing wasn’t that this guy was 40 years old and the sun was up. The amazing thing is that this doesn’t even phase security. They just go get a wheelchair and wheel this guy out Weekend at Bernie’s style.
As soon as you step foot outside the casino, it feels like someone is holding a blow dryer two inches from your face. A half mile into the run, I’m sweating so much it feels like someone is running next to me dumbing a bottle of warm water on my head. A mile in, I’ve already completely sweated through my party tank.
The looks we’re getting range from utter disbelief to disgust. Honestly, we can’t blame them. At 1.2 miles in we get to our first stop, O’Sheas Casino. Now this is the type of place that doesn’t think twice about four morons rolling in covered in sweat ordering four glasses of their cheapest champagne. But that’s not why we chose it. We chose O’Sheas because it’s by The Linq where a shuttle stop for EDC happens to be. Remember the outfits I told you about earlier? Now you know why we chose O’Sheas.
From there we power through the heat, smog, crowds and dirty looks to Mandalay Bay, where we head straight to a casino bar, order four glasses of their cheapest champaign and drink them down. Once we start heading back, the thought definitely goes through my mind, “maybe we should get a cab back.” But that’s loser talk, so I tell that voice to fuck off, and we start running.
Our next stop is at the Cosmopolitan. The Cosmo is so nice and classy inside you almost feel bad rolling in there in our state (the key word is almost). This is the moment for me where I start to feel a little tipsy. And off we go for the final leg, with extra oomph because at this point I’m so high on life knowing that in two hours I’m going to be at EDC dressed as an Octopus. We drag our pathetic asses into the Wynn after 92 minutes and drink our fourth and final champagne in the exceptionally chilled casino.
The most amazing thing about this run is that — IT NEVER HAPPENED. Yes, my friends, you have just enjoyed a piece of fiction! We planned this race for a two weeks before we got to Vegas, but our timing got screwed up on Friday so we had to move the race to Saturday. On Saturday we got so drunk at brunch like a couple of low-end losers, we couldn’t run then either.
But next time, we swear we’ll do it…and the story will probably turn out even better (or is the proper word worse?)
We challenge anyone in Vegas to make this happen and share your story with us!
You’re always going to miss your run when this is the first picture of the night.